This afternoon I had a very difficult conversation with my mother via phone call. Basically my mother let me know she and my father are burnt out and at their wits' end when it comes to my care. They don't think my current treatment is helping and feel very discouraged by it. She worries about my safety every day and apparently that takes quite a toll on her. I could hear the frustration and desperation in her voice as she expressed all this to me.

It ended on a good note (she's going to help me try and get housing) but I feel awful. I feel like a burden, like I am too much for everyone. I was too much for S; that's why she broke up with me and maybe even secretly why we're not going to live together anymore. My parents have been dealing with my Bipolar Disorder and especially my self-harm for twenty years now and I guess it's too much. They want me to live in a group home, which I DON'T want, but I don't exactly have anything to back myself up with.

How do you get over feeling like a burden for something you can't help? How do you get over feeling like everyone would be better off if you disappeared? Just to be clear I am NOT suicidal. I just wish I was different so maybe I could have an easier time with my relationships.