[Celyn]

It's good to hear that you talked to your friend about the anxiety and how she helped you get an appointment with a counsellor. Going for counselling is understandably nerve wracking, especially at the first session. But it's good that you are slowly finding yourself more able to relax and I hope the counselling goes well for you.

It sounds like you do well at hiding your anxiety and this is able to get you through social situations, even though you may secretly wish that people left you alone. Sometimes it can help to stick it out with situations that make us anxious as we may realise that nothing bad is going to happen, and with time and practice, our anxiety levels may decrease. With regards to feeling like your body separates from your mind when you talk, is there anything that you could do to help you feel more present? Maybe concentrate on what you can feel, or what you can touch, or if possible, maybe have something to eat/drink so that you can focus on these sensations. This might help you feel more connected to your body.

Anxiety isn't always obvious from the outside and anxiety can affect anyone- even the seemingly most confident person in the room. Just because people don't notice or you seem to be coping fine, it doesn't mean that you aren't experiencing or are lying about anxiety. It also makes sense that you may seem or even be confident when doing public speaking or performing, but not when it comes to talking to individuals as this more intimate which can seem more anxiety producing.

It sounds like you aren't used to having many people talking to you or having a reason to want to get to know you, more so know when you are involved with things and starting a songwriting club. It makes sense that if you aren't used to this level of attention, you would feel suspicious, more so if find it hard to believe that someone thinks you are a cool person to get to know. But what you are doing, setting up a club, is great and it makes sense people will want to talk to you and get to know you more. You are a lovely person, I'm sure, and it sounds like many others feel this way about you too, even if you aren't used to it. While all this attention can be overwhelming at times, it might help to set some boundaries in place- for example, if you are setting up a songwriting club, then you can decided whether those that show interest in the club get to know you as the founder of the club (keeping contact only to club related matters) or whether they get to know you more and have the potential for friendships. You don't owe anyone anything so if you don't feel all that comfortable with people or find it hard to trust, it's okay to take a step back and put boundaries in place, if it helps you to feel safe. Though it can help to strike a balance so that you can start trusting people and feeling more comfortable around people too. There may be people out there who might want to take advantage of you, but there are also people out there who genuinely do find you interesting and want to get to know you better. It's just a bit difficult finding that balance, but maybe this is worth something exploring in counselling too.