[Tigereyes]

Too burnt out to care that I have another second interview. Never seem to get past the second interview anyway, so why bother getting my hopes up just to be let down again. I'm beyond hopeless. I feel like I'm in a permanently altered state from a combination of constant high stress, sleep deprivation, fatigue, anxiety, dissociation, and way too much caffeine and sugar. But everyone keeps telling me I'm lazy for wanting just ONE day off out of the whole week, that I should push harder and longer or I'm a disappointment. My body is quitting on me. Shutting down. How much caffeine, sugar, and stress/anxiety does it take for me to have a heart attack? Because that's the road I'm on at this point. Working myself to the point of dizziness, nausea, panic attacks, and mircosleeps isn't taken seriously by you. That's apparently me being dramatic and lazy and hurting you by "not trying hard enough." Maybe a heart attack would make you take me seriously. And if it kills me, I don't care because at least this all would finally end.