Triggering: suicide and SH.

I'm having trouble telling what is going on with me lately. I have the diagnoses of both Bipolar Disorder Type I and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They can often seem similar, and BPD has its own mood swings associated with it. Lately I've been feeling really depressed. I'm going through a lot of life changes and it's hard to find the will to keep living. I actually had a suicide attempt the other day, and I've been frequently self-harming. The thing is I still have a lot of energy. I'm tired but I'm not exhausted to the point of not wanting to get out of bed. I don't feel drained. So I can't tell what kind of depression it is because it's not like your "typical" numb or deep depression where you can't do anything. I mean I'm putting off a lot of stuff but I'm still able to get to IOP and whatnot.

The thing is I'm afraid if I go to the hospital for my self-harm someone is going to tell me it's all BPD and that I need residential treatment. BPD is TOTALLY shit upon a lot of times in the mental health community. I've encountered so much judgment for it. When it's my Bipolar mania or depression they're understanding, but as soon as it seems like it's BPD everyone gets frustrated and impatient. I think they think that I can STOP doing those things, but I'm really struggling to.

I'm not opposed to residential but I'm pretty poor and, in addition, I think I'd get more out of life if I could just volunteer and find a damn therapist. It'd be cheaper and just as beneficial. But I'm struggling. I want on antidepressants again but so many of them make me manic and if it is BPD I probably shouldn't go on them. So how can I tell? What do I do?