[DisneyGirl]

I am currently going into my second year of college at a community college. Last year the first semester was okay, the second semester everything went down hill. I am just not interested in what I am studying, at all. I ended up dropping a few of my classes. I can't focus and it's like I cannot make myself care enough to study? I have always felt like that towards school. My parents never ever pushed education even throughout elementary through high school. If we failed classes it they really could not care less and so I just went with the flow throughout school. I am not blaming my parents for me still lacking a passion for school, I am 19 years old and am an adult. I have been paying for my school so far with my cashiering job. It is hard, incredibly hard to watch my bank account be drained and not even know the purpose. I had thought nursing would be a great career. I love helping people anytime that I can. The more I got into I realized I do not do well with medical things. In fact health things give me really bad anxiety, I am always getting so scared about getting sick and I am a hypochondriac. The sad thing is that my boyfriend's family are so so so for college and I guess in the back of my head I felt like I needed to impress them and nursing would look good. And I have been lying to myself this entire time, in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't for me. I cannot think of a single career that sounds interesting to me. I have been trying since I was in 8th grade to figure it out. I feel like I would rather jump straight into the work force and find myself in there somehow. Since I was 16 I always loved going to work and dreaded school. I just am so frustrated. I know that my boyfriend and his parents would DEEPLY frown upon me dropping out of college. I know it makes me seem like a quitter, who knows maybe I am. I just can't shake this feeling. I feel so hopeless and lost and scared.