[Celyn]

Hey there,

You aren't being irrational or victimizing yourself either. It can be very difficult when we naturally expect our parents as 'grown ups' to act emotionally mature only to find out they can be the complete opposite of this, and worse, feel like we are expected to take care of their emotional needs instead.

It sounds like it must be really difficult for you, especially when you are dealing with anxiety, to feel like you have to deal with your parents emotional immaturity (and in some ways abuse and gaslighting- yelling at you when you get upset for reasons that they caused and they don't take responsibility). Do you have people in your life that you can talk to about this? Even though it doesn't solve the problem, being able to vent about what you are going through, to someone that you trust and someone that is understanding can help a bit and make you feel less alone.

Unfortunately, sometimes parents either aren't aware of how their behaviour affects their children, or are aware, but don't want to change. Some parents may believe that raising a child means providing all the physical things such as food, clothes, suitable accommodation etc., and seem not to realise that there is a lot more to it than that, especially regarding the emotional and wellbeing side of things. This can then cause conflict in parents who see no harm in what they are doing and instead of reflecting and talking about what can be done, parents may react, as yours have done, by saying that you are selfish. As much as this hurts, please remember that it's not true! Your emotional needs deserve to be met as much as theirs!

You aren't bad and you didn't make your parents this way. We all expect and deserve to have good enough parents, but unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. Sometimes parents may have unresolved issues of their own, perhaps from their own upbringing or even untreated emotional and mental health issues themselves, which prevent them from being the parents you need them to be. It's not your fault and you definitely don't deserve it. It's ultimately down to your parents whether to listen to your concerns, reflect on how they have treated you and what they could improve on and take action. You can't force that to happen and as you've seen, being defiant, may only make things worse.

Have you got any plans on what you'd like to do having left high school? Not only can putting your time and energy into things that you enjoy/find interesting and can take control of help with how you are coping with your parents, but it can also help to remind you that you won't have to live with your parents forever.

Hope this helps a bit