[TenementFunster]

I don't come here that often mostly as I'd forgotten about this place. I had a suicide plan lined up in March and was found out by my parents(due to something showing up on my card), though in hindsight, I don't think I would've had the guts to go through with it. I ended up in a psych ward for 4 days. I managed to talk my way out and went to a partial program(9 to 3 gig). During those 2 weeks, I met some wonderful people and entered a medication-free stable period. However, over this past month, my depression has came back in the "smiling" form. I can go about my day as usual and maintain a mental fortress around others, but at night, I often cry silently when no-one else is around. In these past couple weeks, I have had detailed suicidal thoughts complete with a much more discrete plan. However, I plan to hang on through this month due to an event I've been waiting for since January. Only one person knows that I'm at least "not well". If anyone in contact with my parents were to find out my current state, I'd be thrust back into hell. The more private friends(those from partial, ascended former teacher) I have would likely shut me out upon finding out. I'm a mess, but I just don't want to go back to that hell