[Tigereyes]

Addiction fucking ruins everything. Forever. It doesn't even matter that we're both clean/sober now because we've already fucked things up too much in active addiction that it's too late to fix. I'm truly broken. And if this is what sobriety is like, I don't fucking want it! I don't want it. I hate being sober. It's just pain. There's nothing good left in my life without substances. No relief to the pain. Nothing to look forward to or hope for. Nothing to try for. No one to be there for me. Everything in my life in sobriety was a fucking lie! For how long, I don't even know. But it kills me. It kills me so much. Because you just took away the one thing I had left to hold on to; which was only a flicker of hope to begin with. Now it's just me and my fucked up mind. My tears that won't stop as I see every day that you have already moved on. That I am nothing to you. You said it didn't matter that my progress was slower than yours, but clearly it did. I'm not recovering the same as you, and you think that means I'm not even trying. So why bother trying at all. My efforts don't pay off. All this work for more pain? What's the fucking point? Maybe you should be afraid of what I'll do, but I'm not. Because I really don't give a fuck what happens to me anymore. Why should I? Who gives a fuck? Because I sure don't. Fuck drugs. Fuck addiction. Fuck life for sucking so much that drugs are the last resort.