Cutting is an addiction.

I've been self harm free for three years but my mind still goes back to self harm at times. Lately I've been struggling a lot with things and self harm has been at the fore front but I can admit that there have been times when my anxiety has been decent, my depression has been fine and I would have a thought of "I wish I could cut". I couldn't figure out why but, for me, it comes back to the fact that I was severely addicted to self harm and I missed the high of it.

My urges to self harm increase more during stressful situations but I still get urges and I've almost caved a few times when I was doing fine emotionally. An example I can give, when my boyfriend proposed I was exceptionally happy and was on a high but there was a part of my mind that went back to "Maybe it would feel good to cut".

It's an addiction and you can't fully understand the addiction. I think there are always some type of trigger but I do think the addiction can lead to impulsiveness which might be what you are experiencing at this point in time.

If you take a step back and think about life do you think some of the things you've been dealing with ... the arguing with your partner and the PTSD related issues could be what caused the relapse? Maybe they brought up some emotions that you haven't been able to put your finger on?

This might be all over the place and I apologize. I am here if you need anything.