[Tigereyes]

Can't even get a shitty minimum wage job. How the fuck am I supposed to believe that it'll end up okay? What support do I have? I've lost all motivation to try to figure out a career or even apply to ANY jobs because it seems like a hopeless waste of time. Why does everyone say it'll work out, when it actually DOESN'T work out for so many people? What kind of entitled bullshit is that? IT's not fucking fair. I don't have energy to get ready in the morning for the rest of the day, so I certainly don't have energy to face the rest of the day. I'm living off of caffeine pills again, just to get by, but I still can't do enough. My parents just remind me how far behind I am. Tell me that soon everyone else who's graduating in spring will be applying for these jobs too. I don't know where to start. I feel so hopelessly lost. All I can think is that I have no money saved if I don't have a good paying job by July--so I won't be able to pay for rent, food, or student loans. I will probably relapse on opiates or attempt suicide (or both) if I have to move back in with my parents, but apparently that's my problem, and no one else gives a fuck. So why should I? If that's how it's going to end, why keep suffering now? Why not kill myself now? Or at least, can't I just take something to numb these feelings? Then at least I could be productive enough to stand a chance...