[Celyn]

I think it's very understandable that given all that you have been through and struggled with, that you would feel it's unfair for people to say that God only gives you what you can handle. I'm sure that many believers will have had some doubts at some point in their life, especially when things get difficult. That said, I don't think He would be disappointed in you at all. If you want to go to church, then you have every right to be there. You shouldn't feel unwelcome because of what you struggle with or how you are questioning God (and it's okay to be annoyed at Him for what you have to deal with in life).

I agree with the above in that perhaps talking to someone at the church may ease your concerns a bit. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then maybe you could just sit in during the services, perhaps at the back, and know that you can always leave if you feel uncomfortable.