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Church -
December 9th 2018, 12:49 AM
So when I was in 7th-9th grade. I stopped going when I started cutting more and more and more active in my eating disorder. I thought I was disappointing god and that he didn't want me to be there. Everyone says god only gives you what you can handle. So as time went on I got more and more pissed at him because I couldn't handle my life and was suicidal, cutting more, and more active in my ED. So I just didn't understand why he gave my all of this when I can't handle it.
Anyways I am almost 2 years free of suicidal thoughts, cutting and purging. I went to this special needs church thing and party with my special needs sister. Anyways I felt really uncomfortable and my anxiety was through the roof, even though all of it was dumbed down so you could understand it (which is helpful for me as well since I have learning disabilities as well). While she was describing the nativity scene I believe I was dissociating since I honestly can't remember some of it and was confused on when it ended type of thing.
I just want to know if anyone has experienced this or something similar and how they have dealt with it. I really do what to start going to church, but I am uncomfortable and am still kind of pissed at god. So I am not really sure if I am welcome, if that makes sense.
Any advice would be really helpful.
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