[Celyn]

Hey Emily (and welcome to TeenHelp!)

Depression, anxiety and the affects they have on us are often related. If we are anxious about something, we might try and avoid it and then become depressed. If we are depressed, we might lose interest in things and avoid doing things instead. Sometimes there are factors that might contribute to how we feel e.g. bullying, not getting on with teachers, not having friends that might explain why we feel anxious and depressed about school. But sometimes it's possible to just feel depressed and anxious without any 'reason' as such. Either way, it's clear that this is affecting your life and you do deserve to get help and support.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel you can't see a counsellor or talk to your parents because you are worried about ending up in a psychiatric institution again. It sounds like you've had negative experiences in the past and it's understandable you'd be wary about reaching out for help again. That said, your parents and other professionals do want to help you. How would you feel about trying to reach out for help again?

I'm wondering if you can talk a bit more about what it is that you don't like about school? Are you bored by it? Do you dislike the structure or routine? You mention that you feel you need a 'sugar high' to keep you focussed and I'm wondering if you have difficulty focusing on the work?

When it comes to depression and anxiety, as much as we'd like to avoid things, it won't help in the long term. In order to overcome the depression and anxiety, we have to take small steps to do things that we are avoiding. Going to school for at least two days a week is a good start! Maybe you can slowly increase this to two and half and over time, three days a week and so on. Doing things when we don't feel like it can actually help us to feel a bit better.

People may be noticing that you aren't yourself or aren't in school, because they care and I'm sure they want to help. Maybe you can talk to your parents and teachers and try to come up with an agreement that you can attend school half of the week, and do the rest of the week's work at home, until you feel more able to go back fully? While treatment for mental health issues can feel unpleasant at times, it should still feel empowering to you and let you have some say in what works for you.

Hope this helps a bit