[AmyRose]

I am a stay at home Mom to a 3 almost 4 year old who starts Junior Kindergarten this September. I am still together with his Dad who works full time, 10 hour shifts. A year ago we moved to a new city for my fiance's job and everyone that we know lives at least an hour away. I don't drive and my son hasn't been in school yet we are completely alone here, I feel so stranded and lonely and depressed. When my son was born I dropped out of high school and I don't have any friends left and my fiance doesn't have any close friends. My family all lives too far away to visit during the week and my son hardly ever gets to socialize with other kids. I have been feeling so depressed I find it hard to get motivated to play with my son or take him to the park or clean and my fiance gets annoyed that the apartment is a mess a lot of the time. My son complains that he is bored and Lonely and acts out I think Because of it. He starts school in September and he's not fully potty trained and has little experience socializing with other kids I'm worried how he will do in school. I get more depressed everytime I think about how badly I'm letting him down and I don't do enough for him. I get really bad anxiety when I think about sending him to school because I don't know how well he will do and I think we will both get separation anxiety and I'm even anxious about having to meet and talk to his teacher and meet other parents I don't really feel comfortable socializing. My fiance always thinks I am being dramatic and over thinking things and telling me that I just need to calm down or get a grip which is not helpful. I don't act depressed when I am around my fiance and family so I am sure no one even realizes and I don't want them to because I don't want them to tell me that I'm just being lazy or attention seeking, I don't want to feel judged. I don't want to go to the family doctor or a therapist about it either because I get extreme anxiety thinking about talking to anyone at all about it and it took me a while to decide to ask for advice about it anonymously online. I don't know if my problem is more anxiety or depression or maybe it is both equally but it isn't just affecting my life it is affecting my son and I don't want to influence him to end up like me but I feel so trapped and don't know what to do. I can't stand the thought of anyone knowing about my own personal issues. Does anyone here have any self help advice on how to improve myself? Online searches Haven't helped me much.