[Storyteller.]

Hello!

First of all, I just want to reassure you that it's perfectly okay to be curious, and to explore the possibility that you might be transgender. However, it's important to consider whether you actually feel like a female, or whether you just feel more comfortable with traditionally "feminine" activities. One of the most confusing things that a lot of questioning people face is trying to separate how they actually feel from how society has encouraged them to think.

On that note, enjoying "girly" activities doesn't make you a girl. Playing with dolls isn't something that only girls are allowed to do; it's something that anyone of any gender should feel free to enjoy, if that's something that captures their interest. It's just a shame that society has a habit of teaching children that there's a set list of "boy" activities and a set list of "girl" activities, when things like playing with dolls or racing toy cars are just... things. Not all girls enjoy the former, not all boys enjoy the latter, and people of any gender can enjoy either or both of them, regardless of what society thinks.

As DanceCommander said, if you're a trans girl, you do in fact already have a female mindset. And remember that there isn't always a whole lot of consistency between people of the same gender anyway; there's a lot more that goes into who someone is than what their gender is. Not all girls have the same problems, preferences, or personalities, and if you do realise that you're trans it won't necessarily change your mindset or give you the traits that you seem to envy in women. All of the traits you listed can be applicable to any other gender as well, so it might just be that you're envious of those things in particular rather than girls in general.

As for expressing yourself, I would encourage you to go ahead and do whatever makes you feel more comfortable and content with yourself. Despite what society may say, it's not just girls who can have long hair, paint their nails, or wear makeup - anyone can. If you want to change your appearance then feel free to do so, but remember that expression doesn't always equal identity. There are guys who wear makeup, girls who have short hair, and any other number of people who present non-traditionally. As for the picture you mentioned, it could be that you just wanted to emulate her style for its own sake rather than as an expression of her gender. For example sometimes my attention will be caught by the way a guy looks, and I'll think "huh, I really dig that hairstyle/outfit/other aspect of his appearance". But to me it's entirely separate to the idea of gender - it's not me wanting to look like a guy (or feeling like I am actually one), it's just me appreciating it and potentially being tempted to apply the same concept to my own look. The same could be true in your case; maybe you liked the goth part of her appearance more so than the girl. You could also potentially just be gender non-conforming or a gender bender or something along those lines, which is more about expression than identity.

Finally, being shy is not a singularly female trait, and there are definitely shy guys out there. Being uncomfortable interacting with people is more of a personality trait than anything related to gender, so it can't really be used as an indication or whether or not you might be trans.

This is getting kind of long, so I'll finish up here. The main thing to note is that gender stereotypes can affect a person's relationship with their gender identity, and also remember that it's okay to explore these thoughts and theories to see where they lead. If you realise you're transgender, that's fantastic; if you decide you're cisgender, that's fine too. You may even come to the conclusion that you're neither of those - you could be nonbinary or genderqueer, for example. Regardless, it's your journey to go on, so don't be afraid of wherever it takes you.

Best of luck, and feel free to reach out to us here at TeenHelp whenever you need anything.