[Thinking]

Hi!

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I don't happen to have unsupporting parents so I can't really speak for your situation.

All I know is that each and every one of us are resilient. If you know exactly you have a dream to chase, don't give up on it. Never.

I see that you are a graphic designer, and I believe you do acquire some analytical skills that is required in your work. I know this sounds very strange, but it's good to try to be a bit more analytical when you ponder about your life:

"What can I do to be more efficient in getting rid the "things that people tell me to do", so that I can have more time for my hobbies and dreams I wish to pursue?"

Keep thinking about it and trust me, it will work out eventually.

Also, I would like to tell you that I hope that you realize that you don't have to be perfect in your exams. You should give everything your best to try them, not because it's for your parents sake, but you should try your best to live your life to the fullest. (And you will be more efficient in this way as well!)

But please do not mix up their expectations with your feelings, you don't have to feel bad about the exams just because they are not satisfied. You don't have to live to their expectations. Make it very clear that you are doing great things that is very dear to you, and yet make a promise that you will try your best in your exams with the time you have, only after you had attended to your hobbies.

If you ever think that you tried your best in the situation and you can't do better, stop that thought immidiately. That feeling of helplessness will lead you directly to depression.

You can always ask us for more help, and we will try to give you some advice on how to fix this problem.

You see, as for me who is still suffering from depression, even I understand a key fact:

"I will try my best to help you as much as I can. If my words can't help you, I am very sorry about it. But I will not blame myself for not able to help you more, as long as I am sure I gave my best response here, I will not regret posting this."

This is easy to understand as a statement, but it take me years of effort to really stop hating myself a lot (even if I am still not perfect from this), but I am sure if I try harder and not give up, I will be able to get better.

So do you.

PS: If you are capable of logical thinking, please rely on it during your worse/loneliest times. Your "logical self" is logical enough not to have any prejudice or hate towards anyone including yourself, then you can analyze and think how to help yourself in a better way. Talk to yourself!

PS2: I don't talk to many people, and also almost in my room all the time except eating meals. So I understand this as well. But I choose to stay in this way so that I can work towards my goal so I don't particularly feel very bad about it, though of course I would like to have some listening ear from time to time too! So I think it will help a bit if you take some time occasionally to talk to people online? There is a difference between working by yourself in a distance, and being lonely from the solitude, the latter is a sign that you need to do something about your surroundings!

I sincerely wish you well, as I can see a bright future in you and I will be sad to see you not working your potential at your best! Stay positive.

Ivan.