TeenHelp - View Single Post - Female Advice Preferred: Why would ex girlfriend block everything apart from viber?

Edit avatar

Hey,

So I appreciate that you provided a bit more insight and I can understand why you don't know what you did wrong if she did stuff like that. I fully admit that I struggle to communicate with my boyfriend when I am angry. It is something I have to work on in individual therapy because the issue goes back to my child hood.

But, we do end up communicating about it definitely not in the way either of us wants because I leave the room and then if I feel it's a big enough issue I text him. We are working on moving the arguments to face to face but it's something that will take time.

If she never voiced her complaints and essentially cut off communication than she never gave you the chance to understand or change things.

I think that some people don't want to change though and it's possible that was partially her issue? You wanted to save money for a house and she didn't want to etc.

If the two of you never really had effective communication throughout the relationship than that's probably a big contributing factor but if she was the one who was unwilling to work on it than it's on her. Like I said, usually a relationship falls apart because both people but there are exceptions. Also, if one person is willing to make necessary changes but the other person is not ... there will be stagnation and resentment.

Relationships grow and change over time and people have to learn to grow and change with them. However, some relationship do grow stagnant. I can't say why but it does sound as though your girlfriend stopped putting in effort. It's possible she wanted to stick with her own or it is possible that she let her families opinions get in the way of her decisions but you can't really speculate.

I know it's difficult but maybe you can learn from this relationship. You said there was no real communication so when you feel ready to get out there and date and you find someone ... you will know that if the relationship is having communication issues it's something that needs to be worked on instead of ignored because it will lead to a collapse eventually.

Communication is really hard. It's one of the biggest issues in my own relationship but we both recognized it. It seems like maybe you recognized the lack of communication but your girlfriend did not or chose not too and so it was not something that can be worked on.

It does sound like you did a lot to be a good boyfriend. Sometimes relationships don't end because the person was a bad partner. I think that's one of the things we don't learn when we watch romance movies. A lot of the time relationships end because there is a break down in communication etc but both people aren't bad partners.

It is possible that she didn't feel the same about you. I cannot really speak for you. It would be a shame if she did that to you but I know that there are people who make those choices to remain in relationships where they aren't committed. Something to remember is that relationships aren't always equal. I think there are times when one person loves the person a bit more but I do think that changes...the one thing about that though is that if both people are invested they won't let it fall apart.

There was a person who told the story about how an old couple who was married for 50+ years or something was asked how they did it and the response was "We never fell out of love at the same time". And, I think that's something I have learned with relationships...sometimes one person loves a bit harder and sometimes the other does...but in those cases the people still realize they want to be with that person or are invested.

A friend of the family actually told me the same thing about his 40+ year relationship back in December. He said that him and his partner had their moments where they weren't sure about the relationship. There were times when one didn't feel the same but they ended up coming back to one another because the love and commitment was there.

So, even if she didn't always feel the same that doesn't out right mean she didn't care but it's possible that she didn't feel invested.

Long term relationships are hard. It also doesn't sound as though she is going to give you a reason as to why it ended so it might be best to try and gain closure in another way.

If there was a break down of communication and you did all you could to work to improve it than that's that and it's on her.

I think I made assumptions in my last post that I shouldn't but if she never actually told you what you did to piss her off or upset her than there is no way you could fix it. You cannot read her mind. She needed to communicate and she didn't so it doesn't really sound as though it's on you too much.

I do think that you can learn from this though because as I said it shows how important communication is so hopefully in your next relationship you will be able to discuss it with your partner and work it out. I do think sometimes we can be blinded by love and than issues don't seem like issues until the relationships progresses. Some people can get past that and work on it and others cannot. Having a lack of communication can definitely lead to a relationship not working out.

Best regards.