I think you kind of know this but:

I hate that I fell in love and led to bring vulnerable and led to the chance of heartbreak. I know everyone searches for that and there were times that I wanted it too...but I also tried to avoid it and I did so well until you.

I hate that I fell in love because I feel I'm going to end up hurt. There are no guarantees in life and I know losing you will break me... Even though I try and pretend I'd be fine.

I fucking hate that I allowed myself to fall in love when I was able to avoid it for ages.

Like, I wouldn't go back and re do things necessarily but I just hate this feeling sometimes. Knowing I have something beautiful and amazing and knowing I could very well lose it.