[Honeybadger40]

Hi there,

Firstly I don't think wanting a relationship makes you too immature for one at all. You have to decide you want one before you can start one whatever age you are. Some people want a relationship at 15, others may not feel the need until they're well into their 20s. The point I'm trying to make is that we're all different and we all feel ready at different times.

I think your concerns about being too selfish and too clingy if you get a boyfriend are valid but it's not something you can really tackle until you're actually in a relationship. As you've never had a relationship before you can only speculate about how you'd be in one so It might not end up being a problem at all. I think all I can say on that at this moment in time is to just try to make sure that when you do start a relationship that you have plenty of hobbies and friends and other things going on in your life that you enjoy and want to dedicate time to so that you don't become unhealthily attached to your partner.

Shyness is something you can over come, I think it just takes a little practice. I used to be really shy but I think I came out of my shell a lot when I started university as it gave me a lot more opportunities to meet new people and gain some social coconfidence. Try talking to people you don't normally chat to in classes now and again, or perhaps you could join some clubs centred around your interests to help you make new connections with like minded people?

In terms of actually finding a boyfriend though, it's not really something you can engineer and plan. Sure, you can take certain steps to increase your chances, e.g. trying to talk to people you don't usually talk to, asking friends to set you up on dates and joining clubs and classes to meet more potential friends and 'matches' but ultimately you have to be patient and just know that the right person will come along when the time is right.

In terms of what's healthy, as the above poster said you tend to learn a lot of this through experience. But some obvious signs of an unhealthy relationship could include: verbal, physical or sexual abuse, gas lighting, one or both partners becoming too focused on the relationship to the point it distracts them from other commitments, excessive jealousy and possesiveness, dishonesty, controlling behaviour, insults, manipulation and poor communication.

Good luck.

Message me if you need anything.

Honey