[Tigereyes]

There's no fucking way out! Why do they always make it so just one fucking test grade ruins your entire fucking grade for the entire fucking semester and fucks up the major gpa you worked so fucking hard to unfuck after all the chemistry requirements fucked it up in the first place? I don't even wan to finish college at this point. This semester is hell, and because of that, now next semester will be worse. I don't want to be sober through this. I don't even want to be alive. I'm so done. I'm so done with all this pain but it just keeps getting worse, so I try harder and get knocked down further. I don't want to do this anymore, but I have to. I really tried, but my parents won't see it that way. Maybe I just suck at multiple choice>?> Maybe I have fucking test anxiety because failure is the norm for chemistry and physics courses. But I'm supposed to miraculously pull this shit off like I always do but maybe I can't fucking do it anymore, and maybe I don't want to keep trying just to fail.

You say I deserve to feel better... But the only way I can do that is to throw away my clean time. I don't want to do that. I don't want to punish myself or get drunk or high. I just want to not feel so damn shitty all the damn time. This pain is literally unbearable. I can't keep up because it hurts too much but resting for just a few minutes puts me that much further behind but I'm so fucking tired physically, mentally, and otherwise.

I'm ranting on here because I have no where else to go. No one to talk to. How the fuck did everything get like this?