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Re: Complaint of the Day 2 -
March 11th 2018, 02:57 PM
Two people expressed concern for my life if I didn't start eating again, so I started eating more. I was told I had to stop running until I get blood work done, so I stopped running. I stayed off the scale for a week and I gained so much weight. I've run every day but one this past week. I've been eating, but I've been purging. I'm caught in the cycle of starving, binging, purging, overexercising. All over and over and over again. My heart rate dropped dangerously low while I was asleep last night, but I don't care anymore. If I die, I die. I don't care anymore. I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle and all I want is to be free from it. My life isn't worth living. I thought the people at the eating disorder center were being dramatic when they said that, with an eating disorder, life isn't worth living. But now I know how true that is. I'm not living a life that's worth living. I'm barely surviving. I'm killing myself and I don't know how to stop. It's recover or die, and I'm too stubborn to let my family know what's happening. This is going to kill me. At some point, this will kill me and I don't care. I care more about the fact that I don't care.
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