[MsNobleEleanor]

I am really sorry you are struggling so much. You have lost so much in your life and trying to regain that loss is very difficult from people who you are suppose to trust. The mistreatment you faced by your parents and friends is hard.

Have you considered looking into grieving at all? It sounds like you are grieving the loss of friendships and dealing with how your grew up. This doesn't mean It shapes you to be any different. You can change this, how you feel and start to move past this. Moving past all the hurt you went through is a long procress a process you need to be willing to do.

None of what you went through will be easy. Sometimes working on ourselves can seem like a full time job but it doesn't have to be. I recommend seeing a counselor and then also do self care things that can help you. Self care is important and it means different things for many of us. Reading can be self care. Going for a walk. Going swimming. Colouring or doing crafts. Even sitting and watching movies or shows. What matters is what your self care is.

In order to feel better you need to work through what happened even from your childhood and how your parents were strict. It will hurt and suck but it does start to get better and you can learn new ways to cope with your feelings.

I also would recommend seeing if there's support groups for regulating your emotions. It's helpful to know skills so you can handle how you feel. For instance if someone is angry you may learn to take a jog or hold ice, these tools can help you regulate your emotions.

Another support group is a group to just talk about your daily life so you aren't alone. Many others have struggles and knowing someone else is going through almost the same thing, it can be helpful to know you aren't alone.

Please don't give up and don't shape your life around others who have hurt you, you deserve so much more. You deserve to feel better. You don't need someone to share your life with. If you feel like you do, animals are a great support and they don't share your secrets. Maybe get some support through animals because they are really amazing when we feel so low and alone.

Hang in there. You are strong.