[Storyteller.]

Originally Posted by Green Yoshi

What I need... is someone to share my life with. I hate to say it, because this void isn't fillable by any other means.

I think it might be helpful for you to consider how you phrase things like this. Instead of saying "this is the only way to fix this problem", I would encourage you to say something more like "I feel like this is the only way to fix this problem". Because sometimes when we feel low, we latch onto certain ideas and get stuck on the notion that they're the only thing that will help. For example, I once thought that self-harm was the only way for me to cope with my feelings, and that suicide was the only thing that could ever give me relief. But you know what? I was incredibly, entirely wrong. I found safe, healthy coping mechanisms. I allowed myself to fall in love with life again. And I realised that if I had gone on believing that there was only one way to feel better, I would still be stuck in the same unhealthy headspace I was in a few years ago.

I think the same is true for you. In this case, you felt lonely, and you finally found someone who made you feel less alone. Maybe that was the first time you felt genuine happiness or like you had a purpose. But that doesn't mean that's the only thing that will ever make you feel better. It's just the only one you can think of right now. And that's fine. When you're in as much pain as you've said you are, it can be difficult to think rationally and to come up with alternatives. But maybe you don't have to. Maybe you could look up some lists of things that other people have done to combat loneliness or rediscover their joy. You might find an idea or two that stand out, without the pressure and stress that might come from trying to create your own ideas. Let yourself consider the idea that there are other ways to feel better, and remember that, as I've said before, happiness has to come from within. It's not as simple as finding that one person or achieving that one goal and suddenly being completely stable and always happy. You have to work at it, and to cultivate your own happiness.

That said, you absolutely do not have to do this alone. Seek help - and let yourself accept it. Dark thoughts don't mean you have to act on them; loneliness doesn't have to mean you're alone; being in pain doesn't mean you can't be happy. You are not alone, but you do have to take control of your own life if you ever want to get better.