Hey there
I'm so, so sorry you're struggling with this. Regardless of whatever you might tell yourself, you're never going to be alone. There's always going to be someone who loves you- even if you can't quite see them yet. Things
do get better, and I'm so proud of you for hanging in there
If you ever need to talk to anyone about this, you're always welcome to talk on here, or if you feel the need to vocalize it, you might want to check out some of these hotlines
http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#mind_and_body
Never forget, you're worth it, and you deserve to feel happy and loved <3