Hello!
I do think that its good to rant. But I think that part of the reason why you sorta have a lot of problems is because you kinda put too much pressure on yourself, and you might also have thought about things very negatively.. which is why you might try to drive people away so that you can't hurt them.. but the truth is you are a blessing. Don't deprive your friends of the blessing known as Tigereyes in real life
I think that right now your main concern should be your psychological state. You don't have much to look forward to right now, which is a real problem because it makes you feel as if there's no way out. But if you make every day a blessing from now on, it could help.
I also think that you're really actually keeping your pain to yourself in order to not burden other people, and that in itself is part of the problem. But part of you is worried about how other people will react when they get to know this more pained side of yours , and that is preventing you from truly opening up to people about this.
Tell those you know and trust.. they will truly understand you. Maybe telling your family about this will help. But don't let them know all about it in one go..there's a chance that it might overwhelm them. But I would prefer it if you tell them the complete story because it'll feel like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders, and that by itself may already be half the emotional battle.
Try not to think too much about the debt..if you are responsible and know what to do, that is something that will resolve itself in time. Perhaps your family can help you out in that regard but that is a situation with a dynamic of its own depending on how supportive your family is.
Hold on to hope... trust and believe that there's a future. Because there is one for you.
Much kindness and warmth,
Darren