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Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
December 10th 2017, 06:17 AM
You tried to ruin this day for me, but I decided I would enjoy myself. As my eating disorder fought me on the ice cream, I reminded myself that you were already trying to make the day horrible, the anorexic thoughts didn’t need to join. I ate the damn ice cream (and I’m panicking now, but I ate it). You wanted to propose to me on this day, and instead of being upset, I was glad we’re not together anymore. Your plans for proposing, while sweet, are bullshit. You wanted to take a day so special to me, a day you never had any part of and has no significance to us as a couple, and make it about us. You wanted to take memories that are special to me because of my childhood, memories you never shared with me, and make them about us. This day holds no significance for you, that place holds no significance to you. A majority of my happiest, childhood memories come from here. You never shared it with me, and you wanted to take advantage of my childhood. I don’t quite have the words to articulate it, but it seems shitty to me. You should have planned to propose in a place or a day that was special to us, not special to me. But it’s a moot point because we’re over.
My therapist was surprised when I said that so finally. She’s used to me saying “I don’t know” to everything, and my perspective on this relationship seems so final. I don’t want to get back together. I still love you, I’m still in love with you. Everything still hurts, but our relationship hurt more. And that’s not what love is supposed to be.
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