[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Hi,
I have a friend who is a guy, he has dated girls on and off. We have never dated. It is my fault because I pushed him away when he tried asking me and nowadays he doesn't ask anymore. He had dated 2 girls and I think he is starting to date a third or has already started. When I see the signs that show he is either planning to date or has started already, I get anxious and a bit jealous of the girl. It also makes me unsure of my place as a close friend to someone of the opposite gender.

I always told myself I wasn't ready to date but if I were eeady, he'd be the first person I'd want to date. Looking back he was "in love" with me but probably not anymore and I only just started catching up and am crushing on him. Still I lean towards a sexuality though so this is emotional and romantic feelings and also wanting a life partner who can also be a parent. I'm not into the sexual life. That was one of the reasons I never tried dating and probably when I told him I'm asexual is when he stopped asking. The thing is I still want biological kids as wrll as adopted. Not sure the details of biological kids. Don't think I'd have sex even if it were just for kids, which I know some asexual would do.

The thing is, this friend wants a sexual life from what I understand, so I try to convince myself that whomever he dates is a better fit. I'm still having a hard time with jealousy. I have had such a hard time with making friends in general but especially guy friends. He is literally an exception. I'd probably consider dating a girl before I consider dating a different guy.
I don't know why I'm so attached to him. Well, actually we have been very close since 2012. We first met in around 2011.
I'm scared he is going to abandon me and slowly is becoming disinterested in me. But I'm also afraid I'm slowly convincing myself that he isn't who he appears to be and basically self sabatoging my trust in him and furling my insecurities. I notice when he first starts dating someone he gives me less attention so I pretty much predict it based on the decrease in attention he gives me and other subtle things and I'm usually right. But I'm also disturbed st myself how much information I'm getting just because Facebook shows in my news feed whenever he tags his friends in a post and I noticed he kept tagging this one girl in posts about girlfriend/boyfriend kind of things. I won't get into it all but there are many signs and I hate how I'm jealous and spying and doing all this immature behavior. I should be more okay with it. I should be happy for him.

It is his right to date who he wants. I have to get that into my head.
What can i do?[/size]