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Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
October 8th 2017, 04:04 AM
I know you were concerned I was developing an eating disorder when I was 13, but you never quite said it out loud. I wish you had, because if you did, maybe I wouldn't be like this now. Today, I made soup just to throw it away. I wanted there to be dirty dishes and less food in the pantry so you'd believe me when I said I already ate. I hate wasting food, but I don't want you to know. You already realized I've lost weight and I'm not eating that much anymore. I'm thankful cold weather is coming, weight loss is harder to see under sweaters.
I'm getting help, I'm going to counseling every week. She wants me to do more, to go to an eating disorder treatment facility. But I can't do that without insurance and I can't ask to use yours. The specific program she wants me to go through is for patients with anorexia traits. I stared at the email for an hour, or I guess I mostly just stared at that word. Anorexia. It was attached to me. My counselor wants me to go through a program that treats anorexia traits. I never connected my eating habits with anorexia anything. Sure I don't eat, sure I've lost a lot of weight, sure my hair is brittle and my period now irregular, but I'm not underweight I'm not that far, but I'm not underweight. Therefore, I am not anorexic. But I'm still looking at that email and staring at that word. Anorexia. Me? It can't be right.
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