[Jess~]

Thanks for the advice.

Yeah I used to think rape was rare too. Or just something that happened to those "other people"... you never think it's going to happen to you until it does. With anything, honestly, not just rape.

I am the oldest also and I do feel like I'm the practice child too. We older children are the "guinea pigs" of the family. A lot of times I feel like my parents think they screwed up so badly on me, they've just given up on me. Which doesn't make sense because I'm honestly not a bad kid.

I was homeschooled growing up by my two Christian parents and so I never actually got "The Talk". I learned about sex when I got my first phone and tried to Google about it, but came across porn instead. Views of sex were fucked from that point on, as you can imagine. They tracked my browser history and they grounded me for finding porn, but they never actually said the word "porn". They just kept saying that I knew what I did and it was inappropriate. They're so scared of confrontation about sex.
When I was 16, my mom finally tried to have the talk with me, except the one about abstinence and waiting until marriage "because god".
At 17 I told them I was raped, thus had my virginity stolen. As far as I know that's all they know about my "sex" life, the fact that I'm impure now.
I have also left the Christian faith, which was one of the best decisions of my life, and so to be both a non-virgin and non-religious person, I'm probably the world's biggest disappointment to them.


lol. i actually don't want to have people who tell me i'm just fine being who i am, because i know that's bullshit. there's always room for improvement and i need honest people who can give me unbiased criticism about that, not basing their conclusions on a religion or their skewed moral values.

i don't even need people telling me i'm normal, i just need people to help me with starting a conversation with my parents about telling them that i have a boyfriend.