[FallonRose]

My mental health has significantly deteriorated over the last month over moving in to the dorm, to the point that I was crying every day until the day I moved. I've had a really hard time adjusting and my anxiety has prevented me from really reaching out to do anything on campus or try to make any friends so I'm feeling very isolated right now and struggling to really exist at this point. Since we moved in on Saturday, it gave me a couple of days to get settled in and I was just starting to feel somewhat positive and then classes started today. I was able to find my first class pretty easy (besides the fact that the building that it's in has no AC and it was very humid and hot today) but then the professor didn't let us out until 2 minutes before I had to be to my next class. When I got into the building that my schedule said it was in, I realized that was the gym and physical education building so I started freaking out. They put the wrong building on my schedule. Someone in that building sent me to another building which ended up being the wrong building again and then someone there sent me to the right building but at that point I was 20 minutes late for my class. Then I was in a full fledged panic attack so not only did I make a fool of myself but I missed the first class of algebra so I feel like complete and utter shit. After I made it back to my dorm, I was just coming down from the panic attack and then the suicidal thoughts starting coming to me again. I haven't had a relapse of any kind in over a year and a half so I feel even more like shit because of these constant thoughts again (this didn't start again until a month ago). I finally got the courage to go see the counselor since I couldn't get ahold of my therapist and after about an hour of talking we made an agreement for me to check in with her once a day and to forego my first day back to work so I can make my appointment with my therapist. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I really want to move back home considering I did not want to move in to the dorms in the first place and the sequences of events so far have not been in my favor and my mental health is suffering because of it. Unfortunately my grandma is pretty much forcing me to be here even though I've expressed to her how I've felt about it and I'm feeling pretty hopeless and worthless. I'm willing to stick out the rest of this week to see if things get any better but I can't really stop crying or stop the thoughts and the anxiety level is pretty unreal.
Sorry if this is all over the place, I'm just not sure how to best word this situation but any words of encouragement or ideas would be appreciated.