[hocus pocus]

It is possible to have withdrawals because it is something you have depended on to feel better for an extended period of time. It is also possible to obsess over it to the point where it is one of the only things on your mind. These things can definitely be really hard to cope with but it can be done.

What kind of things have you been doing the past few months to keep from self-harming? Do you have any favorite alternatives? Maybe you can use those or look into new ones because your mind may have gotten too used to the ones you currently use.

You said you're in pain and cutting drowns that out for you. Is there anything in particular that is causing that pain? If so, maybe you could work on it to decrease your urges to self-harm. Regardless, you could find a way that drowns the pain in a healthy manner. Cutting releases endorphins in the brain, which are feel good chemicals. You could also exercise, eat chocolate, listen to your favorite music, or do something that makes you feel happy to release endorphins.

You do have strength even if it seems to be diminishing. You reached out on here, and that takes courage and strength.