[Skyline]

this song makes me think about moments we’ve had together and i have this intense fear/apprehension that we’re never going to experience that together again.

I know I said that 8 months of only seeing each other briefly on the weekends is fine, but I’m realising that if we DO make it through this – which i’m certain we can – that maybe these 8 months will become basically forever. I just can’t help but be aware that people who do medical studies have VERY little time to spend with their loved ones, and often even once their studies are over they’ll go into a professional life which is just as intense and doesn’t leave much space for a personal life. Obviosuly by thinking about this I’m getting ahead of myself, because we’ve only been together for six months and I’m acting as if we could be together forever. I guess I do want to be with you forever though.


As I know you, you’re a very open-minded, relaxed, understanding person who lives in the present and doesn’t take anything too seriously. I know that I would love to spend my life with that person; but I’m scared that over these next few months you’ll change and become someone who prioritises work over social life, who doesn’t “take it easy” anymore, who doesn’t have the time or patience to go off on spontaneous trips into the mountains… and that would just crush me.



On a less selfish note, I’m also genuinely worried for your well-being. I feel like the environment you’ve chosen to throw yourself into is maybe incompatible with your way of being and that you’ll become depressed or have some kind of breakdown. I just hope you’re able to stay yourself in this environment and that you can be genuinely happy and fulfilled.



Honestly there is this part of me deep down which I hate but which is nonetheless part of me, which wants you to fail this course, which wants me to fail my course (which I’m also having apprehensions about), and which wants us to just go travelling for a year or two, to live like nomads. It wants us to live day by day and have no priorities other than finding where we’ll sleep that night, it wants us to be fusional, it wants us to live adventurously but live together, it wants us to meet new people on the road and become wise and knowledgeable about the world.


I am just so scared that you will choose a path which doesn’t leave you space for me.

But I can’t tell you this, at least not now, because to do so would be selfish and I can’t say that I love you whilst disregarding your passion.

Just please, please have time for me. It would kill me if you didn't.