I'm so sorry you feel this way. :/

I'm not gonna lie, I don't really have much advice for you because I'm sure you're aware of the dangers of this. But I do want to reach out and let you know that you're not alone. I understand the struggle of recovery and it is very difficult. Do you have a reason that you want to relapse? Because if so then I recommend trying other hobbies that can give you the same sensation but much safer. You may have tried that or been told to do that already but it works great for me.

Or also, you can find a passion that keeps you motivated because your mind and energy will be focused on attaining this big goal or dream so you have something to "obsess" over instead of food and control. Sorry if that sounded at all rude; I just re read that and I don't want to give the wrong message. Obsess may not be the best word to use.

I hope this helps at all. please feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk; I'm always available.

best wishes,
cheyenne