[ForeverAutumn*]

Bella,

You're an amazing friend for wanting to help him. Many would ignore this problem or try to shrug it off. Sometimes, this is because they don't know how to help and pretending nothing is wrong means they won't feel guilty. Other times, they'll think ignoring the problem will make it go away. Unfortunately though, while neither of those reactions will solve the problem or make anything better...well, it's what a lot of people will do. Whatever happens next, be proud of yourself for wanting to help. You're a great friend just for being there for him, and he clearly trusts you quite a bit if he's told you what's going on. Being able to talk about abuse and reach out for support isn't easy.

It's always tough to know what the next step would be, and what the right thing to do is because often, there's no one right thing to do. On the one hand, you want to help but on the other hand, you don't want to make things worse.

If the abuse is bad enough that it's pushed him towards suicide attempts in the past, something needs to be done about it. Either way, something needs to be done. Abuse is never all right under any circumstances and leaving the issue alone won't solve anything.

First, make sure he's getting some sort of medical treatment for the physical abuse. Even if it doesn't seem that 'bad', it's important a doctor or nurse checks his ears etc., to make sure no serious damage has been done. Remember that while it may appear on the outside that everything is okay, you never know what might be going on on the inside - for example, with his ears, his father may have done some harmful damage that can't be seen. This also applies with how he's feeling emotionally, not just physically - as you said, he might not show on the outside that something is happening at home. This could be his method with coping with the abuse - to shut it out and pretend nothing is wrong, that everything is okay.

I'd say before you take this to an adult, talk with him. See what he's comfortable and not comfortable doing, by way of reporting the abuse. If he says it's not bad enough to report...well, I'd say to respect his opinion for now. If it's not bad just now but gets worse in the future, that would be your cue to report it. If your friend wants to report the abuse but is afraid to, tell him you'll go with him when he makes the report. Having a familiar face there could make him more at ease when he makes the report. And if you think the abuse is having a serious impact on him [not that abuse ever has a positive impact, I'm saying like, if his safety is in serious danger] I'd say to go ahead and report it, with or without him.

For reporting this, you have a couple of options. You could speak with a teacher or school guidance counselor - they're required by law to report child abuse to the proper authorities. Or, you could go straight to the police and file a report there. If he has injuries that need medical attention, you could also bring him to the hospital and when they ask what the injuries were caused by, you could tell them it was child abuse and they'd also have to report it to the authorities. The only difference between all of these options is where you start. At the end of the day, the reports are all going to end up at the attention of the police. It's just a matter of how you go about bringing it to the police.

And while it's lovely you want to help your friend out, it's very important you make sure you're taking good care of yourself as well. Don't take on more than you can handle...your safety and well-being is important as well. You won't be able to help him if you crash and burn because this is too much for you to handle. Don't feel guilty or anything if you don't think you can help - everyone is different, and everyone can handle different things. Let me know anytime you want to talk about anything, ok? Take good care of yourself and hang in there.