[del677]

I'm sorry you can't go to the school counselor. They're supposed to be the ones especially trained best to be there specifically for you, because they know students like you are out there, and they want to help you, they just don't know which students are the ones who need the help.

And as a student, who needs the help, it's difficult to know where the safe place to go is, and who the safe person to tell is.

The best person to talk to is someone who's been through it themselves. They're the ones who understand the best, because they've experienced it themselves first hand, so they understand fully what you are going through, (in fact they can probably understand it even better than you, because for you this is something new and strange, and you may wonder if this is even normal or not, whereas for them it's much easier for them to tell, because they've had more first hand experience, with both the normal and the not normal experiences.

Second best person to talk to is someone who's been trained to recognize these various problems and trained in what helps and how to help. These people may not have actual first hand experience themselves, but they have a caring personality type that makes them want to dedicate their career to helping others, and they decided to study this stuff and learn as much as possible about it, and learn to recognize these various problems, and learn what helps, and how to help, and make themselves available, so they are all prepared, and now just waiting for students to come to them and ask for help. (Actually some teachers may be trained, either by the school district, or just because they care about their students and they want to be the best teachers they can be. Or the teachers have had enough experience, and they've experienced previous students go through these things, or maybe they've had a neighbor's son or daughter go through this, or maybe one of their own son or daughter has gone through this. One way or another they get life experience, and now they are ready to pass it on to others.)

Again there's still the problem of how to recognize who is the person who understands these problems? Who is the one who will be the one to talk to?

Often parents don't know what to do. Kids don't come with instructions. If the parent hasn't encountered this before, and hasn't taken a specific class in this, they may not know what to do, or who to turn to, so they might just, as you say, brush it off as being "part of being a teenager", when the moment you mention "self harm" that's all anyone who knows anything about this needs to hear to know this is definitely not a normal part of being a teenager, it's definitely a symptom of clinical depression, which fortunately is treatable, and you need to see a doctor, and get some medication, because your body chemistry is way out of balance. This is where me having a lot of personal first hand experience with this, it's very easy for me to say, oh it's so obviously.... and go into my speech about how the mind and body work, and it's only because I have experienced it myself, that it's like so obvious to me that there's great hope and you'll likely be fine in the long run, if you can hang in there.

To save myself a lot of typing I'll just insert a link to a story here that explains how the experience of taking medications works to cure this horrible depression you are in:
http://www.wingofmadness.com/depress...cal-illness-19

Now the big next step is getting you to a doctor, and one that knows enough about this particular type of medical disorder that he can properly treat you. I'm not sure where you live. The type of doctor that specializes in this type of medical problem is a psychiatrist. (note: psychiatrist = medical doctor. psychologist = talk therapist. They're both nice to have.) Sometimes (or often, depending on where you live) there is a shortage of psychiatrist doctors, and regular doctors take over and prescribe medications for the simple cases, or at least start patients on an antidepressant medication, while working to get the patient to see the specialist. Not every antidepressant works for every person. It's a hit or miss guessing game. The good news is there are a lot of different antidepressant medications, so in the long run it's quite likely that there is an antidepressant medication out there that will work for you, you just have to find it.

Getting you to the doctor may involve educating your parents about this type of medical disorder. I don't know how well educated your parents are. Are they college graduates? Or high school drop outs? It might make a difference. If they are the brainy type of smart parents, then they just need a little direction, and they'll go research it themselves and become experts in the subject, because their precious child needs the help.

On the other hand, it may help if you can find an ally on your side, someone who's familiar with this type of medical problem, who can talk with your parents, educate them a little about it, and then convince them to take you to the doctor.

Let's see, if you're in the USA, you could try calling 2-1-1, and asking if there's a local number you can call for mental health information. Sometimes the local city or county has set up a phone number that is the entry point phone number for everyone to call with any questions about this kind of mental wellness thing, and all questions go to this phone number, and this phone number has all the answers.

Other counties have many phone numbers to call, and you call them all, and each phone number sends you to another phone number, until you end up back at the first phone number you called, completing the circle, frustrated, realizing that you've spent all this energy and all you did was make a whole lot of phone calls and you just went around in a big circle going nowhere. (Sorry if that happens to you!)

Another place you might try is calling the local hospital and asking if they have a psychiatric ward, and asking to be transferred there, then asking the receptionist at the hospital psych ward your question. I say call, because that way you are anonymous.

Another option is to call any psychiatrist office, and talk to the receptionist there. (Again, calling is nice as you can remain anonymous. Also, try to pick a time when they are not busy, as that way the person who answers will be able to spend more time talking with you.)

Yet another option, call any church. Ask whoever answers if anyone there is familiar with mental health problems such as clinical depression, and can you talk to that person? Again you get to be anonymous by calling. (Probably as many as 10% of people either are or know someone who is, so this kind of thing is actually very common, so a little "cold calling", as this is called, where you just call randomly and hope to find someone helpful, will probably connect you with someone helpful.

Oh, and see if your community has a Mental Wellness Center, or something affiliated with NAMI. (Check the NAMI website.) Or you might get lucky and there's a local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance support group in your area. (Check http://www.dbsalliance.org for support group locator.)

OK those are my ideas off hand.

In summary, definitely not normal, definitely a treatable medical condition (though also treatable with whatever social engagement activities make you happy, if being with people lifts your spirits, I take both the medication and do the social groups and talk therapy, it all helps), keep HOPE that you won't have to suffer like this forever, that there are many people out there who understand, and have been through this themselves, or at least have been trained, not everyone has experienced this, not everyone has been trained, not everyone will understand or know what to do, but about 10% of the people out there will understand and do know what needs to be done to help you and get you well again, and will be eager to help you.

Best wishes! (Sorry this was so long! I should make my replies shorter!)