[NeuroBeautiful]

Nothing is okay
I cannot keep running, hiding, crying
I cannot keep igniting the flame in me
I cannot keep ignoring
that I'm slowly fading,
that this is killing me

I am not a human being to you
Face it.
Training me to be tough, disciplined,
Like I am going to serve in the military
You made my home a battlefield
Invaded my heart, my body, my mind
And blindfolded my eyes
I lost my way,


Nothing was ever okay
I canot keep going when my foundation is weak
I cannot keep trying to fly with broken crushed wings
I have bruises from banging my arms against the metal bars for so long
I have blisters on my fingers trying to unlock the cage and set myself free
You convinced me my eyes were not working
You carried me in the way you wanted me to go

I am not okay after all this
Like a phone that you drop in the toilet
You suddenly 'care' that I shut off
You yell at me, you shake me, you throw me against the wall
I feel so small, I can fit into your bear hands
My head stuck between your claws
Tilted at a precise angle, if I move in either direction
My neck will be sliced in two

Nothing will ever be okay
You aimlessly push the different buttons
Then toss me away to the repair pile
Maybe you can mix and match body parts
You can insert, delete, install,
to get the perfect child.
You may have brokedown the child you were given
And rebuilt a child to fit the exact way you desire
You can even call yourself an amazing architect
Everyone around you will praise you
But no matter how much "care" or "empowerment" you've claimed to provide me with
All it ever amounts to are scattered crumbs
And the way I escape once and for all is by dying
I'm not dying any less than I already am