[Starseeker]

I'm so tired of your shit. Both of you. First you tell me you really wanna go, oh how you wanna go, but when it's time for organising everything you don't pick up any calls or read my messages, c'mon do you think I think you haven't seen them? However stupid you believe me to be, this doesn't work anymore, even on me, Jesus Christ.

And now this meeting. Why the fuck can't I attend any events? I've been to one event in my whole life, and I consider it one of the best moments in my life. People around me go to freaking music festivals around the world whole summer, travel to freaking continents 10 hours of flight away and I can't go to ONE music festival in MY OWN COUNTRY, to see ONE band? Nor can I go to see a person who's changed my whole life and saved me, to meet her and see for two minutes, when she's been in a country easily available for me? I don't ask to go on three hundred events a year. I ask to go on one. They're equally important for me, but I know it's hard for my parents because of financial reasons, so I want to go on one. On one, and pay for it. Then why, for fuck's sake, won't you let me go?!

And I'm feeling even worse for being jealous of all the people that got to see that person and will get to see that band. I know I've got so many things I shouldn't be jealous. But I can't help it.