[Fanatic]

Why is it that I can't enjoy my summer breaks without feeling depressed and lonely? Facebook and other social media make me feel worse, since people have the nerve of unfriending you or unfollowing you for no reason. It's like wow, didn't notice you were a fuckin prick all along. Makes me want to quit facebook and social media all together. It just seems the only person in the end you can trust is yourself and no one is worth being close to, because they'll just abandon you in the end. You can't even rely on others when you are sad or lonely, because all they do is make you feel worse. And when you really need them, they aren't present. No wonder why so many people commit suicide, because people are too busy with their own personal lives to give a shit. It happens too much, it hurts. I wish my real friends were close to me, because they live in another state. They seem to be the only people to give a shit and care for me. Other people I've tried friending have all failed, so it feels very lonely when I'm not with them. Always this happens where I become more suicidal and tend to hurt myself more when I'm isolated or away from them. I just don't know how to cope without them or without anyone real, caring, and trustworthy around me. Honestly, I've tried TV and school as a distraction and a purpose, but TV doesn't seem to be working these days. School is out for the year, so that's not forever gone but it will be next year. I certainly want to keep going, but it feels super hard with dealing with this loneliness and these mood swings/depressive moods.