[hocus pocus]

It doesn't sound crazy at all.

Though we aren't professionals, it sounds like slapping yourself x amount of times could possibly be linked to OCD. I don't advocate self-diagnosing, but perhaps you could do some more research on OCD symptoms and different coping skills. Researching can give you an idea of what you can do to help yourself. You can even try the coping skills for OCD as they could help in other aspects as well (such as helping with self-esteem or anxiety).

You've pointed out what has been triggering you and it is good that you're aware of those things. Being aware of them means that you can try to work on yourself if you're ready. For instance, if you're ready to combat those feelings of self-hate, you can do self-esteem exercises. It is okay if you are not ready as well; people do things in their own time.

In the meantime, maybe it would help if you blogged or journaled about your feelings. A lot of people do that frequently and it can be helpful to get it out. Sometimes getting things out in that way makes them dissipate in your head.