[nothereanymore]

I should've spent more time in inpatient. I should've been forced to slow down instead of being so anxious for the next step. I was as low as low gets. I should've been forced to stay until I was more open to healing, which wasn't gonna happen the day I swallowed the medicine cabinet. I was angry that I was alive and I just wanted to go home. I should've been there longer and I should've gotten a better experience in PHP. I think now that I'm not at rock bottom it'll do more good. There's no problem with stepping back - recovery isn't linear and it's not like you can't ever go back to previous treatments... I'm either going to kill myself before I go home next week, go home and get back into IOP, walk to the fucking hospital if I can't get back into IOP, or kill myself on the walk. Either way something drastic is gonna happen because gradually isn't cutting it anymore.