[NeuroBeautiful]

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He didn't tie me to a chair
He didn't hold me hostage
He didn't threaten my life
Why then did I care about his approval?

He didn't want me seeing my friend
Her mom would have drove me
But he said
"Family is everything and friends don't matter
Call her up and tell her you cancel"

So often he was uninvolved
So often he called hurting me 'love'
Why do I still care so much about his approval?

I am delusional to him
My depressed brain, clouds my vision
The angle i am looking from
Prompts me to desperately seek help
But he says my reality is distorted
I believed him
I relied on him to tell me
Everything that's been happening
I learned to not trust myself

I only started writing my own story
For so long I relied on him to write it for me
Only later on I started picking up the pieces
But every now and then I fall
And drop the pieces, scattering to the floor
I have to start writing my story over

One jerky movement, the wounds re-open
The threads of my story rip at the seams
I can only vaguely remember
The last time I cried
It was too painful to remember
Because while,
he didn't tie me to a chair
He didn't lock me up in a basement cupboard
He didn't threaten my life
I don't know why I feel obligated to seek his approval
And why I care so much but he does not