[del677]

It's normal for people to develop their own personal boundaries as they grow up.

We start out as helpless babies who need the security and comfort of others to satisfy our needs, and there can be fear that our needs won't be satisfied. We only feel comfortable once we're assured our needs will be satisfied.

Then we learn to venture out on our own, but we always have the security of our parents and family to go back to, and we feel secure as long as we know they are there for us.

And as we grow we become more independent and we venture out more on our own.

When we reach puberty we develop a natural desire for more privacy, and with our changing bodies there's a natural developing understanding that touch can be for other things besides security, as sexual desires and understanding develop.

So it would be natural for you at your age to develop a desire to sleep on your own, separate from your parents, at least out of reach of physical touch, and it's natural to develop an uncomfortable feeling, that's just nature telling you it's time to be even more independent.

So it's all natural and normal so far and it appears the only problem is how to explain this to your parents in a way they will understand, so changes can be made. I don't know your parents so you'll have to judge that.

I would think your parents would relish the thought of sleeping alone just the two of them without a third person present, assuming they like each other and maybe they'd like to do intimate things together, which would be awkward having a third person present.

Maybe it's your parents who need to slowly adjust to not having you present so much. Perhaps you could start by sleeping on the floor, or on a separate cot, in the same room, but not in the same bed. A step in the process of moving you out of the room. Then when they're used to that, then you can move to your own room, assuming you're comfortable with the idea.

There's a book titled Human Be-ing by William Pietsch which is a quick read. There's a section in it describing the concept of "personal space." Used copies should be available for cheap as it's an old book.

When you negotiate with your parents, consider what their needs are too. They're people too with fears, insecurities, wants, desires, feelings, wishes, hopes, dreams. Keep an eye out for what those might be. (One of their desires might be to be good parents to you, if they really love you in a parental way.)

Another thing that can help in negotiation is knowing which of the 4 basic personality types each parent has. Then you can tailor your approach to that personality style. See:
Parenting and Temperament: Introduction to a Series
http://www.keirsey.com/personalityzone/lz44.asp

The 2nd to last paragraph for each temperament type starts with a sentence: "Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your <type> parent."

I'll just copy the tips here:

Here are some tips on communicating with your Artisan parent. Do not talk down to them. You might feel superior because you are better organized, more dependable, or more logical. Remember that you aren't better, you're simply different. Your parents have seen a lot more of the world than you have.

Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your Guardian parent. First, don't try to undercut their beliefs since that will just make them more stubborn. Show respect and humility and apology as is appropriate. A rebellious attitude is a sure-fire way to get them to dig in their heels. Respect the fact that they have been on the earth longer than you have and have seen lots of things you haven't. Attitude speaks much more loudly than your words.

Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your Idealist parent. Avoid values conflicts. Try to fit what you are wanting or needing in terms of your parent's values. If you fight with them on their values, you'll lose the battle and the war. Remember, they have had a lot more time than you have to develop their beliefs. They have good reasons for their values (maybe some bad ones too). Find and respect those reasons.

Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your Rational parent. Whenever possible, seek out their information and opinions in their areas of expertise, and act on it. This shows that you respect what matters to them. Probably they have some beliefs which you see as being dead wrong. Remember that they have been around a lot longer than you have and probably have good reasons for those beliefs. Find out what those reasons are before trying to debate them.

It's also possible they won't need much persuading. Maybe they'll think, "Hallelujah! She's ready to move out!"

If not, maybe the cell phone thing is the real reason, or maybe that's just an excuse and they have some deeper reason, some fear, that's holding them back from letting you sleep in your own room. Maybe they don't want to articulate the deeper fear they have, so they just settle on cell phone use as an excuse. Maybe they don't have a room to spare to make your own, or they do but they're using it for something else and they don't want to give it up and make it yours. Whatever their deeper fear is, if you can gently uncover that, then it's a lot easier to solve.

(One method I just read about is to guide them to come up with the solution themselves. This way they feel they are in control, and it's their idea so they buy into it. You get what you want, but you use their brain power and have them come up with the solution to your problem. You present them with your problem, then ask sentences which start with the words "What" or "How" until they come up with your solution. As in, "I would like to sleep alone. How can we achieve that?")[I just realized this also bypasses the awkward "I'm uncomfortable feeling dad's penis-ish." You don't have to give reasons why you want to sleep alone. If they ask for a reason, you can say it's because you are 16 and it's time.]

Best wishes! Thank you for posting! I hope all goes well for you!