[Storyteller]

Roku-san, that sounds like a terribly uncomfortable mental and emotional space to be in. I'm sorry to hear that you're in that space.

I'll say now that I may not have the skills to give you the best answer, because I don't have any training on helping people on the autism spectrum, so if my answer seems a bit confusing or off in any way, please let me know and I'll clarify anything I have said as best I can.

You mentioned that you're being asked to do a lot, that people are being very demanding of you, and that you are unsure if you can meet their demands. It's natural to feel stressed under these circumstances. It sounds like you process stress by turning into anger. You are not the only person who does that, it's a natural way to react, so please do not feel that you are a monster. However, I personally feel that hunting the animals is not an okay way to release your anger. How would you feel about finding a different way to express your anger, that doesn't hurt anybody or anything that cannot fight back?

You also described being told that you do a messy job when you complete tasks that people give you to do. That's natural too: there are other people who do the same. Completing a job badly is a way of asserting that you feel you cannot, or do not want to, do what is being expected of you. It's a way of retaliating. Sometimes, we can do this without realising it, and simply believe we are ineffective people who can't do a job right.

When I read your post, I got a strong feeling that you feel unsupported. You may have people around you who are meant to support you, but is it working for you? If not, then tell them so, and aim to change things so that the support you are getting works for you.

I hope that helps.