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Re: Screaming thread. -
March 18th 2017, 06:15 PM
Now that I remember, I can never forget you hitting me. I've relived that incident so many times since remembering and I can't stand it. I've talked through it with a counselor, I've prayed about it, I've forgiven you, but I can't get it out of my mind. You leaped across the table and grabbed my arm and pulled me toward you and in that moment you looked like you could have killed me. I wore long sleeves for a month to cover the bruises. And what hurts the most is that fact that I don't know how often you hurt me. I don't know how far it went because I've repressed the memories or forced myself to forget or disassociated. I know that I sometimes get scared even of people I trust when they get angry with me and it has to be your fault because no one else has hurt me like you. You broke me and you get to move on and I'm still stuck in what happened because I CAN'T REMEMBER and I have to remember or it's going to taunt me forever. I stopped going to counseling because I'm afraid of realizing you did something I can't forgive and that terrifies me so much. I thought I was in love with you and you treated me like shit and broke me. You manipulated me and made me think I couldn't be loved. And for some reason, I miss you. I miss you and I can't help it. You broke me, you hurt me, and I miss you. What's wrong with me?
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