[hocus pocus]

I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing someone in that way.

I agree with what has been said; you can think about self-harm and suicide without intending to go through with it. You can question it and that is ideation, I believe.

Should you choose to take medication, I hope you find something that works for you. I don't take prescription medication, but I am using other treatments with the purpose of taking the edge off so I can work on myself. Perhaps it could be similar for you, or you can take the medication for as long as you need it.

You said you know you have to be truthful and I am glad you know that. In the meantime, maybe you can talk to people about how you feel or journal about it so you're not keeping emotions in. I suggest finding things to lift your spirits and trying to acknowledge any positivity you can, no matter how small.

I think working on depression and mental health isn't something that ends all of the time. I think it is more of a constant process; you may sometimes still feel low but you will have developed the tools to cope with that.