Wow that's an amazing story! Thank you for sharing that.
The school system sounds like one big stress factory! So much stress!
I know stress is what triggered my depression. The stress of school was so endless and long I think it just finally damaged my brain.
Kind of ironic how I was so stressed that if I didn't do well in school my life would be ruined. Only in hindsight do I realize my life was already ruined by all that stress.
I spent a few years looking for an antidepressant medication that worked for me. Many of them didn't work. I finally did find one and it made a huge difference.
I slowed down my schooling to a pace I could cope with, and eventually graduated with a Master's Degree in a technical field. I thought, "Now comes the good life, now that I spent my life studying hard and I'm really smart. I'll make a lot of money now." But that good life never came, because they never taught me how to socialize, how to network with people, how to market myself, how to get a job. Apparently that is stuff other people just naturally do and it doesn't require any teaching for them, whereas I'm somewhat clueless how that works. Plus I have this stress induced mental illness now on top of that. It was as if the schooling that was supposed to prepare me for life instead destroyed me.
I'm reminded of this wonderful 2 minute explanation by Allan Watts, "Life and Music":
https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=iuUz9lUtPnU
(He has other great videos too.)
So, my suggestion to people following this path of high intelligence, is, stop worrying if your future life will be messed up, your life is already messed up
now! And it's going to continue to be messed up as long as stress rules. Stress causes mental illness, it causes drug addiction, it causes alcoholism, it poisons the body. Stress will kill you.
Which is ironic because it was originally designed to save you.
Stress activates the body's Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS). This is the "Fight or Flight" response. Our bodies and mind weren't designed to always be in this state. It's also hard to socialize when in this state. (It's hard to socialize when you feel you are being chased by a tiger.)
We need to learn how to get out of this state, and into the opposite state: the "Rest, Digest, Restore" state. We need to learn how to deactivate the SNS state, and activate the other state, which is the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). This used to be our natural state. It's the "Do nothing" state. When was the last time any of us did nothing? We're always
doing things, we never take time to just
be.
Doing, making producing, must be part of a rhythm in which
being also has its place.
Activating the body's PNS state also activates the mind's Social Engagement state. This is when socializing becomes natural.
Doing nothing is what mindfulness meditation is all about. The art of learning how to do nothing. Except we're not doing nothing, we're allowing the body's PNS state to naturally become activated, by
not doing things, by
not thinking things, instead we return our focus to the present moment, and just observe. And when our mind wanders, as untrained minds have a habit of doing after about 10 seconds, we let go of that thought, and return our focus to the present moment.
This activates the PNS state, allowing our bodies and minds to heal.
(There are numerous guided meditation apps. "Headspace" is one I like.)
"Balance" is another metaphor I use. It's just a metaphor, a way of thinking about life. (Which reminds me of the movie "Koyaanisqatsi", which I personally like. The title translates to "Life out of balance".)
("Spectrum" is another metaphor we use; sometimes it's the wrong metaphor, and it leads us astray.)
("Have an open mind" uses the metaphor "open", which restricts our thinking to believing the only other possibility is to have a "closed" mind. The metaphor allows us to think, and at the same time restricts our thinking. There is another possibility, but we'll never find it until we recognise the metaphor being used and expose how it is restricting our thinking. A third possibility is to have an informed mind.)
I always disliked older people telling me that school isn't the real world. Or being 16 is somehow not a real age, and anything I think or feel while 16 doesn't count, because I'm only 16, and 16 will pass, and only later does the "real" world start, and only then will my feelings and relationships matter and count.
Sorry I don't have an instant cure for your problems. I can only outline a path to recovery. That emotional midbrain which can't verbalize anything, it can only communicate via feelings, it needs to be heard and acknowledged and the feelings need to be validated and listened to, and it needs time to heal. It needs to feel connected to other people, and it needs a break from constantly feeling like it's being chased by a tiger and your very life depends on doing more and more.
Instead your very life depends on doing less.
(Thank you for inspiring me to write this. It has made my own path clearer.)