[Palmolive]

Hi

Thank you for reaching out to us here for some help!

I am a recovering alcoholic. A few years back I became heavily dependent on spirits (mostly vodka) and at the worst points I was drinking up to a good 4/5 litres a day and it made me very vulnerable and a risk to myself and even others to the point that I was admitted a psych ward twice for detox where I had to go on medication to help me manage the withdrawal from alcohol. And even though it may have taken the edge of, staff were constantly fetching paper or towels because I was sweating so much and I had a fit at the very beginning of my first detox because I was leaving my body with out something it had been so badly depending on. Along come the moments were I would faint and ass out, be sick, have headaches etc and then came the moment when all that got better and my body then craved sugar which I have now found out is quite common in recovering alcoholics.

Truth is, I still have lapses. Especially recently which again has left me in very dangerous situations and emergency services dealing with me. I am not telling you all this to scare you, well actually I kind of am. But to scare you in a way to help you see what it can lead too. I think drinking is okay for people who can manage it and do it in social situations etc. But for me, just one sip of alcohol will turn into bottles. I can not drink and doubt I ever will be able to again.

What helped me? When i had been sober for a few months, I realised just how much dignity, capacity etc that I had lost. I would walk around in public drink or laid drunk in alley ways or parks and people would found me passed out from drinking and because of severe self harm. The truth is I now realise that when I am drunk, my thoughts take over and leave me in a very dark and dangerous place. I now attend AA meetings every sunday and they really help me. The people there can relate so much and not only do I support them, they support me and I also have a sponsor who is now more like a mum to me who I see often out of AA.

As for the smoking, I mean, it's not a good behaviour for anyone and I will never encourage you to smoke either. I think you need to find ways to manage with your emotions and thoughts in a healthy way and it might be helpful for you too look at our thread "aternatives to self harm" in the self harm forum for some idea's on what you can do when you feel you want to drink or smoke.

And please remember you are not and never will be alone. There are people you can to talk in "real life" and you always have us here to so don't suffer in silence.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie