[hocus pocus]

Congratulations on your two years self-harm free! That's amazing. I am really sorry to hear you're struggling right now, though.

You said you haven't been able to stop thinking about it; it sounds like you could be obsessing about it and it can be really hard to get it out of your mind sometimes. Do you know what is making you feel like harming yourself? Maybe you can see if you can figure out what is currently triggering you so you can work on it, thus decreasing your urges to self-harm.

Another thing to think about is what you're looking for in wanting to self-harm. Do you know what you're looking to achieve from it? Is it a release, a way to numb your emotions, or something else? If you know what you're looking for, you can kind of pick alternatives based on that.

What alternatives worked for you in the past? Did you have any favorite ones? Maybe you can try those out again, and if they don't work, you could always look for new ones. Anything that is healthy and keeps you safe, even if only for a few minutes, can be beneficial.

You said you have no one to talk to and that can be rough but I hope posting here helped. Maybe you can blog or journal your feelings, or write letters as though you're talking to someone about what you're going through. That way you can release your feelings.