Eating disorder survey
Are you Diagnosed with an Eating disorder?
No
If so what are you diagnosed with?
N/A
If not what eating disorder do you think you fit the most?
EDNOS
Do you have any other mental health issues(Diagnoses)
Yes
If so what are they?
Major Depressive Disorder
Do you self-harm?
Yes
If so what age did you start?
Age 3 years old, I started skin picking, I started cutting and burning as a teenager.
was it because of your eating disorder?
The ED and SH were both manifestations of negative body image, low self esteem, lack of self worth and stuff like that
What age did your eating disorder start?
I started starving and restricting at age 12 but before then I just had passive thoughts about it
How old are you know?
22
How many years have you struggled?
My whole life, to be honest
How does it interfere with your life or how did it interfere with your life?
I cant eat in front of friends, tension between friends because they want me to eat and I tell them I'm not hungry and they think how could that be if you didnt eat all day, coworkers and supervisors trying to push me to eat cake or snack or whatever they have on the table and me feeling alone with my secret. Aside for socially, I get physical symptoms of headaches, dizzy, cranky. I feel guilt, shame, anger, worthless, complicating my behaviors with these negative emotions. It's a daily struggle because even if I do fine for a few days, I still get impulsive urges like I do with self harm and it occupies my mind.
What does your eating disorder do for you or what did it do?
It made me feel like I am talented in something. I've always felt out of place and doing something like starving for the whole day, while others had to give into their body's needs, made me feel strong and disciplined somehow. And when I overate, I felt horrible and it allowed me to escape and project my problems as an overeating issue instead of the actual problems I'm trying to escape. When I overate or mini-binged I was able to express my emotions whereas when I starved or restricted I was trying to suppress my emotions
Have you been in treatment for eating disorders?
No
If so how many times?
N/A
Did it seems to help you?
N/A
Are you in therapy for your eating disorder?
Not in particular because my eating problems are always grouped with my official diagnosis of depression which is annoying because I feel like it is related but it's still it's own thing. I want to bring it up to my therapist. Also because my mother 99.999% likely had an eating disorder, all my sisters have disordered eating issues and I walked in on my cousin purging when he was 5 years old because he felt fat. It really runs in the family big time.
If so what exactly is your game plan?
Been doing self-help so I want to first bring it up to my therapist.
Do you want recovery?
Kinda
What would recovery look like for you?
Seeing food in a healthy way, as fuel for my body and not as an emotional response or as a way to suppress emotions. Even if I dont fully love my body, I want to get to a point that I am taking care of it and not acting on my lack of love for it. I treat it with respect for what it is, even if I dont adore it. Longer term I want to love my body, feel good in it, feel more connected to my body instead of being trapped.