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Edit avatar · **Re: So much anxiety -** February 9th 2017, 09:21 PM

Hi, Kav!

There is absolutely no need to apologize for it being long; it helps us understand the full story, and hopefully offer better, more in-depth advice and support. I haven't heard from you often recently, so I'm really glad you decided to open up and post a thread talking about this. I imagine things have been much harder dealing with it alone.

I know I said this back in 2015, but I want to say it again - I am sincerely sorry that you lost your father. I can't imagine losing my mom or dad. You had very understandable reasons for not being there. You had no idea that was going to happen. You mentioned you had vivid memory of the night? I just wanted to reassure you that you can talk more about it if you wish, because it must be on your mind. Only if you feel like it's okay to go into and as if it'd help you, though. I'm sorry you weren't able to attend his funeral either. That was strong of you to insist they have the funeral without you. I imagine you wanted to be there, but instead you took your mom and your brother's feelings into consideration. Regardless of it all, I believe he knew and still knows you loved and still do love him. I bet he's proud of you being so dedicated to college and for being an incredibly sweet human being.

Considering all of the feelings you must have been experiencing, I am extremely glad you had your friend (who is now your boyfriend! So excited and happy for you!) there to comfort you and just ensure you were not alone through this. It sounds like he is extremely supportive which is what you deserve, especially when you were going through a loss. He seems quite patient too, which is always good so you don't feel pressured into talking about anything. I'm glad you have such a gentleman of a boyfriend whom you feel this happy and comfortable with; you deserve that, Kav.

When you completed your course at home, were you able to identify what caused your depression and the feeling as if you're lost in a sense? Do you think it could have been feelings about your dad coming to the surface since you went back home? I'm sorry you are struggling with anxiety. Honestly, talking to your boyfriend was the right move in my opinion. It's unhealthy for both parties to be 100% dependent on one another, but it's important in relationships to be able to lean on each other for support when struggling. You did great by recognizing when it was time to seek support from someone rather than go it alone.

With the loss of your dad only 2 years ago, and then having your boyfriend move far away, I completely understand why you'd feel so much anxiety. Especially since he's been there with you all this time and you'd gotten used to that. I'm sorry he had to put his dog down. I imagine you helped in with that in ways you aren't aware of.

It sounds like he is stressed out with studying, and it's making it difficult for him to balance relationships. I think it's a very good sign you two have communicated since then, sharing feelings and such. He must be having a difficult time too feeling out of place. I think when he mentioned he felt alone, he was likely missing you too. I also think it's sweet how you reassured him you'd be there for him no matter what. I bet that helped him feel better knowing he has support from his lovely girlfriend. I am sorry you're still struggling with your anxiety a lot though. Since you are worried about your relationship, and are struggling with anxiety, is it possible to see a therapist? Therapy may really help you find healthy coping mechanisms for your anxiety and give you another source of support which could be good for you.

I can understand your confusion about whether or not it's okay to talk to your boyfriend. I think it's great you spoke to him, and even sweeter that he reassured you that you could talk to him and tell him anything. Considering the difficulties you two had with both of you struggling, I think it was good you talked to him. Anytime things come up like this, communication is very important. Perhaps you could speak to him again and ask him how studying is going, and ask how he is feeling lately. When he mentioned being anxious he may have been feeling a lack of support and down to his knees in stress from studying - not because of you, directly, you know? He may have said that in the heat of the moment not realizing how it'd make you feel.

Don't forget that it's okay to cry. Crying is a healthy way to release emotions rather than keep it locked inside. Finding more outlets would be a good idea too such as journaling, blogging, creative outlets etc. And as we always will be; we are here for you. You can message me anytime, okay? You're a sweet girl and deserve support. Always remember that your boyfriend loves you and so do we. We'll always be here for you, and it's okay to reach out.

Hope this made sense and helped, and I sincerely hope things improve for you and your boyfriend. Take care, Kav.